


If I can't have you

by DreamDrop



Series: The bodyguard and his protégé [2]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Damen and Laurent are not together (yet), Damen wants to believe Laurent doesn't have sex at all, Damen's reaction, He has sex (only mentioned), Idiots in Love, Laurent goes on a business trip, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Damen (Captive Prince), POV Laurent (Captive Prince), Pallas tells Damen, They talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamDrop/pseuds/DreamDrop
Summary: The one where Laurent goes on a business trip and sleeps with someone who is NOT Damen. A flustered Pallas tells Damen, who then confronts Laurent.Damen knows exactly why he is so bothered by it, but he can't tell his client out of the blue that HE would like to be the enthusiastic partner in Laurent's bed sport activities.
Relationships: Damen & Laurent (Captive Prince), Laurent/OMC mentioned
Series: The bodyguard and his protégé [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834633
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	If I can't have you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [valarmorghulis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/valarmorghulis/gifts).



> Hello my dear readers!   
> Here is the next part of the bodyguard series. This one was a request from valarmorghulis. Thank you so much for your prompt! I will absolutely write the other two too, I just need some more time for that :)  
> Love to all of you!

Damen couldn‘t imagine one single reason for why Pallas sat in the chair across from his desk, looking as if he had to tell him someone died. He knew Laurent was alright, had actually just seen him for lunch, and that was the last assignment Pallas had. He was now here to report on anything unusual and that was just procedure before Damen went on his afternoon shift to Laurent‘s.

Pallas had spent the last week on a business trip with Laurent, who was freshly appointed CEO to the tech company of his mother’s family at just 21. Normally, Makedon took this post but the older man was on vacation and Pallas had volunteered. His friendship with Laurent was certainly a strong incentive for that decision. But also the fact that Lazar was the other bodyguard to accompany them.

Damen had visited Laurent the day after their arrival at the manor and Pallas had taken over the duty of reporting so that Lazar, who had had the night shifts, could go home and sleep.

"What is it, Pallas?“ Damen put whole focus now on his employee. Pallas was one of his favorites to be honest and he really saw no reason why the young man should be so anxious. "Did Lazar do something?“

That had to be the explanation, it was the only one that made sense at least in Damen’s opinion.

"You can‘t really... say that.“ Pallas stuttered while avoiding his eye.

No surprise there. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Laurent always requested Lazar to accompany him for his business trips. The two of them were both mischievous and Lazar encouraged Laurent to behavior that no other bodyguard would have even overlooked much less encouraged.

If he didn’t do such an excellent job Damen would have fired him years ago, before Laurent came even close to off-age.

"Well?“ He clearly needed to get Pallas to talk.

"He assured me that it was absolutely save. You don‘t have to be angry at either of them.“

Now Damen felt the trepidation rise. If Pallas was worried that he might get angry, it was absolutely clear that Laurent was somehow involved.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose while he drummed the end of his pen on his desk. "What did they do?“

"Well, apparently Laurent has an acquaintance in Ios I didn’t know about. Lazar obviously did and had already done all the background checks on the guy.“

"Yes. And? That’s common procedure.“ Damen didn’t see the point. Laurent was allowed to meet his friends if they were properly checked by one of his employees and apparently Lazar had done the job.

"They spent a lot of time together.“ Pallas couldn’t look him in the eyes. He twisted his fingers in his lap and chewed on his bottom lip.

Damen’s eyebrows drew together. "And? That‘s hardly a problem.“

"It was a lot of time at night.“

Damen nodded slowly. He had already suspected because Lazar had the night shifts and if Pallas was so upset about it, it was clear that it hadn‘t happened under his watch.

"Yes. I suspected. Did they venture in the clubs that you are so anxious to tell me?“ He tried to encourage Pallas but it obviously had the opposite effect. The man threw him a distressed look with something like unwilling amusement mixed in it.

"No, they didn‘t leave Laurent‘s hotel room at all.“

"I don‘t see why that is a prob-,“ he trailed off. The realization spread through him like ice. He felt how his hands went numb.

The only thought in his head reverberated like an echo. 'He slept with Laurent.‘

He needed to force himself to breath. The pressure on his chest threatened to choke him.

"Boss? Are you alright?“ Pallas looked at him with something akin to pity but also worry and fear could be seen in his expression.

He knew that Damen wasn't really interested in the private life of his clients as long as it wasn't relevant for the job but this was not just some client, this was Laurent. So, it explained why Pallas told him. Damen wanted to know everything about Laurent and what had or hadn't happened.

Damen forced himself to relax his grip on his pen. The metal was bent and he knew he was lucky that it didn‘t break and drip ink all over his papers.

"I am fine. So, what you wanted to tell me was that Laurent fucked this so called acquaintance and Lazar knew about it since the beginning?“

"Yes.“

Damen felt the anger rise but he needed to stay calm right now. It wouldn‘t do to get angry at Pallas of all people. "Who is the guy?“

"He‘s an Akielon. Born and raised in Marlas but moved to Ios some years ago. Laurent knows him from the library. His name is Regulus Giron, age 25, occupation: chef, hair color: black, eye color: brown, height: 6feet, sexual orientation: bisexual, involved with Laurent since three months ago when they ran into each other after Laurent‘s second trip to Ios for the company.“

One small part of Damen‘s brain admired Pallas thoroughness, the other, much bigger, part of his brain was still focused on the fact that this guy had put his hands on Laurent.

Fuck damn it!

"Thank you. You can go. Enjoy your time off.“

"Are you sure you are alright?“ Pallas hesitated at the door and Damen clenched his fist on his thigh. He was so close to snapping that he only managed a nod.

When Pallas finally left and the door closed behind him with a low click, Damen grabbed the vase with tulips, which had been carefully arranged by his secretary, Isander, and threw it across the room. It shattered against the wall with a satisfying sound of breaking glass but the anger was still boiling inside of him.

How _dare_ this man to touch Laurent? The audacity! How come he even **_thought_** about bedding Laurent?

He threw the lamp which sat on his desk after the vase.

He couldn‘t believe that this had really happened. Laurent was still 21! He was his responsibility. He was his charge. He was-

Damen stopped his thought, before he finished it. He had come terribly close to thinking that Laurent was his, full stop.

He wasn’t and wouldn’t ever be.

He sat back down in his chair. He needed to breath.

The exercise came to him automatically. He let his breaths turn deep and calm. It helped calm his nerves too. However, the rage was still there.

He imagined how this Regulus buried his large hands in Laurent‘s blond hair and kissed him passionately, pressed him against the door of his hotel room.

The scene played before his eyes without his consent. He could see how Laurent opened up under the nimble fingers, how every part of this pale, slender, perfect body was uncovered and how the two of them tumbled onto the bed. He could practically hear them.

 ** _Fuck_**. He wanted to kill this man.

Laurent knew something was wrong as soon as Damen set foot into the house. He greeted him politely, offered him tea or coffee but didn‘t get an answer. His bodyguard seemed inclined to ignore him.

It hurt but what did he expect really? Damen had his own life and his own worries and who was Laurent in this equation? Part of the job.

It was a horrible thought that chilled him to the bones, but Laurent forced himself to acknowledge the truth even if he wished it wasn't true.

Somewhere along the way they had lost the close relationship they had had when he had still been a child. In recent years however he had the impression that they had reconnected, now apparently, they were back to the times where they didn’t talk at all. Only this time it was Damen who initialized it.

The dread Laurent felt at that thought sunk like a stone in his stomach. Was that it? What had he done?

"Well, good to know that you won’t even talk to me now anymore.“ It came out scathing although Laurent knew this was only the case because he was hurt and angry.

However, Damen flinched back and stared at him.

"I‘m sorry. I didn‘t...“ he trailed off. "I am angry, but mostly at myself.“

"Why?“ Laurent now prepared tea anyway. He needed something to do with his hands. He couldn‘t look at Damen. It was true that they talked more about Damen‘s issues as well in recent months since Laurent‘s 21 birthday. But it was still rather unusual for Damen to state these things so plainly.

"Because I heard about Remulus Giron from Pallas and I was completely blindsided by this particular information.“

Laurent froze at these words. It was only for a second, but he knew that Damen picked up on it. He paused too for a moment but then continued, "It shouldn‘t surprise me as much as it does but I can’t help myself.“

Now it made sense. Obviously, Damen would be angry that he didn’t know about Remulus. The man made it his mission to know every single person Laurent ever interacted with. He knew all of his school friends by their full name and all people he could potentially interact with when visiting them, including their parents or house employees.

He even knew all the people that took the same classes at university as him and now he had to realize that he didn’t know the person Laurent slept with.

"Lazar was very thorough in his background check and Pallas did a second, even more thorough one. There is nothing you have to worry about.“

It obviously was the wrong thing to say. Damen clenched his jaw and Laurent was a bit worried for the teacup that was grasped in Damen’s broad hand. "Laurent, I don‘t doubt my employees or if they did a good job. I know they are some of the best and that they know how to do a background check. That‘s not what I am worried about.“

He stared down at his tea and Laurent determined it safe enough to sit down too. Damen wouldn't stand and walk out of the room in the next minutes. He took a seat across from Damen and studied his form.

He looked... defeated and that was not a good look on Damianos Vallis. "What are you worried about, then?“

Damen looked up and the determination in his face was as surprising as it was welcome. "What if he breaks your heart?“

Laurent stared at him. He was pretty sure that if he didn‘t have such a strict upbringing, he would have gaped. He needed a second to work through all the words, put them in context and then reflect on his emotions. Was Damen really implying what Laurent thought he was?

He pressed his lips together firmly. He needed all of his self-control to smoothen out his expression.

"What?“ he asked. His voice fell flat, most likely because he tried very hard to not let the emotions that coursed through his body slip into the one-word question.

"He is so young and lives at the other end of the country and you are even younger and so busy and I know how men like him are. You are beautiful, intelligent, charming and so intriguing, especially for men like him, but I am afraid he doesn‘t really appreciate you enough. You are a treasure and I can‘t imagine him grasping the whole extent of you.“

Laurent let himself appreciate the irony of the situation. It was ludicrous that they even had this conversation and he couldn't really decide if he wanted to laugh or cry.

Obviously, he let this inner debate over the state of his emotions not show on his face. Damen couldn't know how ironic it was for him to talk about Laurent's heart getting broken by someone.

"Don't worry about that. I won't get my heart broken by Remulus," he replied and then took a sip of his tea.

"I know. All relationships look like they are going to last forever in these first few months, but please be careful. You are much too important." Damen looked so earnest and Laurent couldn't keep the smile from his lips.

"Whatever you might think that I have with Remulus is not what we are doing. I assure you, I won't get my heart broken because it's just sex. Nothing more. We find each other attractive and are very compatible but that's it. We aren't even friends."

He took another sip of the tea. It was the expensive one Damen had bought him some months ago. The taste was perfect, and Laurent hummed happily. His bodyguard and love of his life gaped at him, as if he couldn't really make sense of the words Laurent had uttered.

"Just sex?" His voice sounded chocked up. Laurent wasn't really sure if he had made the situation better or worse.

"Yes. The thing two adults, who find each other attractive, sometimes indulge in even without love between them."

Damen grimaced. "Gods, please stop talking. I beg you."

He looked as if he would throw up any moment now. Laurent decided that it would be for the best if he didn't push anymore. He didn't want to cause Damen to ignore him again. Instead, he took another gulp of his tea. He realized that Damen hadn’t even taken a sip until now. What a waste.

He averted his gaze from Damen's broad shoulders and flexing muscles under the white, custom tailored button-down shirt and instead fixed a point behind Damen's left shoulder. He had enough practice and fortunately, he had himself under control most of the time.

He didn't think about Damen in another context with considerably less clothes on anymore whenever he saw him. The raging teenage hormones had calmed down years ago and now he didn't get flustered and hard whenever he saw the man. It was a large improvement.

There was a time in his life where he couldn't leave his own room whenever Damen was on guard duty and that had led to some very embarrassing conversations with his brother and Damen alike.

Now he could ignore the tugging in his abdomen most of the time, the want and desire were a lot easier to ignore than the affection and love he felt whenever his eyes fell on the man. It was a blessing and a curse at the same time.

_Goodness, I love him._

Damen observed his charge for a long moment in silence. He still felt a bit sick at the thought of someone laying their hands on Laurent without loving him enough to treasure it accordingly.

He had assumed that Remulus Giron loved Laurent as much as he could after only so few months of seeing each other. He had taken comfort in the fact. Now however Laurent told him that it was just sex. That they weren't even friends and some part of Damen wanted to desperately suggest that Laurent could fuck him, as long as he let off fucking some guy just because he found him attractive.

He at least loved Laurent with all his heart and would give his life in a second for the young man. And though it might be that Laurent didn't love him back, Damen leastways would know how lucky he was.

What he also knew was that Laurent found him attractive. He knew that the man had a particular type and Remulus Giron was just the latest proof of that. The man was tall, broad shouldered, his skin was bronze, and he looked very similar to Damen overall.

He had taken a look at the picture of Remulus with some sort of surprised curiosity, intrigue even, actually. The man looked like a younger version of himself.

So, he knew Laurent wouldn't reject him because he didn't find him attractive.

But there were so many reasons that held him back.

First of all, he was Laurent's bodyguard.

Second, he had played a major role in Laurent's upbringing and would not, never, use this to his own advantage.

Third, he was afraid of the consequences the sex would have for him. Not the ones one would think about, like Auguste's wrath or the legal problems if he remained in his position, but the ones that he would suffer from emotionally.

He already loved Laurent more than anyone else in his life. He also was honest enough to himself to admit that he desired the young man and if he let himself have him, he wouldn't be able to let him go later on when Laurent got serious about another man.

Thus, he kept his mouth shut and continued to watch Laurent drink his tea. He was gorgeous, heartbreakingly so. Sometimes it almost hurt looking at him.

"It's not my place to judge or give advice to you, I know that. But sex without love is like water without gas. The prickle is just missing," was what he finally settled on.

He could have knocked his head against the nearest wall.

Laurent, however, only smirked. "So, you intend to tell me that all these people you fuck are all the love of your life?"

Damen felt himself blush. "Who told you about that?"

"Lazar, obviously. Nobody else would tell me anything. On occasion Makedon, but for this I have to get him drunk first and you know how challenging that is." He didn't sound even one bit apologetic and Damen couldn't help the startled laugh that burst out of him.

"Obviously. And you are absolutely right, I don't stick to my own advice. But you are still so young, and I want you to have all the happiness in the world."

Laurent fixed him with his cool, blue eyes. "Well, for a relationship there are always two people needed. Not everything is in my control."

"What do you mean? Are you in love and the other person isn't reciprocating?" Damen felt as if someone pulled the carpet out from under his feet.

Who in their right mind would reject Laurent de Vere? Were they insane? Maybe it was for the best that Laurent wasn't involved with them in that case

"You could say that. I'm not heartbroken if that is the next question flitting through your poor emotional head."

It was the truth, Damen could tell. Laurent looked as relaxed as ever and he smiled even. It was only the barest lifting of the corners of his mouth, but he didn't seem to be hurting and that was the most important part.

He continued, a bit more subdued, "I had a lot of time to come to terms with the fact. And not everyone is an emotional wreck after rejection."

The insult didn't even register with him. He was too busy thinking about who could be the one who was lucky enough to garner Laurent's affections and respect.

"Who is it? Do I know him or her?"

"Damianos, I thought we already established that I am about as gay as they come. It really surprises me that you still insist on including women in my pool of potential love interests." Damen couldn't help but laugh at the way Laurent looked at him then.

"Sorry, you just never told me straight forward and I didn't want to assume. So, who is it?" It hurt to think about the fact that someone had Laurent's heart and didn't even know how fortunate he was. The person had everything Damen ever wanted and that made his chest constrict in a painful way.

Laurent sighed and rolled his eyes. "I won't tell you. It won't do either of us any good and it also won't change anything. You better stop asking right there." He got up and Damen knew that their conversation was coming to an end.

"So, you're still planning on continuing your… affair with Remulus?"

"I intend to do that until I lose interest," Laurent confirmed and it was everything Damen could do to stop himself from either smashing the teacup against the wall or shake Laurent and force him to tell who it was that he loved.

"Just… be safe. Alright? I couldn't get over it if something happened to you." Damen knew he sounded pleading, but he would beg Laurent on his knees if it would make a difference.

The blond man turned to him with a smile.

"I promise."


End file.
